.table for one.

There is a supreme beauty in dining alone.
If you're aware of yourself.

As an adolescent I distinctly recall refusing to enter my junior-high cafeteria alone. I had to be flocked by my friends, and should they break for the restroom mid-meal I would go with them, unable to sit abandoned at a table for even two minutes. I reasoned that in such event I would immediately be noticed by all other attendants in said cafeteria as the girl who eats alone or as the fat kid who eats even when she's alone. Illogical? Or culturally instilled in my brain?

What is it about our culture's concept of food that does not permit single-dining habits to be "normal"? Why is it so rare for a person to take themselves out for a fine meal…alone?
What is the paranoia that sits hand-in-hand with entering a restaurant in search of a table for one?
Why does it make us SO uncomfortable?
I reason this: perhaps it's jealousy…or intimidation…or in essence- fear.

To confidently enter a restaurant alone and enjoy a meal solo is to have a solid understanding of yourself. You must be unwavering before stares of curiosity, judgment, and pity.
You must be alright with knowing that some people are thinking you have been stood up.
You could not find a date.
You have no friends.
You are weird.
you are an other.

You must wear high, stylish boots, strut with your head held high, order a beer, and smile sweetly when the hostess asks hopefully, "Two tonight?" and you answer, "No, just one."

This kind of picture (: the girl dressed nicely, no visible major social short comings, enjoying her meal in the corner, unaccompanied) exudes a radiance of self assurance and pleasure in life. I believe this is something so far off target for the majority of people in our culture.
We use our relationship statuses as accessories to portray our hold of power, our social place, our inherent personal image in a crowd.
To dine alone is to use your own developed resources to paint your face with independence- to break the mold of social co-dependence as means of definition.
It is, in essence, to be undefined.
To be other.
And we fear the other.
And we admire the other.
Simultaneously.

To face the girl with the dinner alone is to see ourselves as wondering, "What would people think if I were eating alone? What would they think of me? How would I look to them?"
It is to challenge your own strength and, in refusal to be found wanting, decide that she is the weaker, that she is the other.
To see this is to be threatened by the challenge of independence, of self assurance.

Other socially deviant gestures may be a slap in the face what is "normal" but involve action on a belief outside of oneself. Wearing a t-shirt about abortion, boasting an opinion, for example- all marks your group orientation with a community holding a united opinion. But to eat alone in a crowd of groups is to stand defiant in yourself, to not NEED the social support systems to identify yourself. To be an unidentified character with such complexity behind you as to have risen above circumstances which usually exceed personal victory.
To delight in being set apart.
To enjoy and appreciate your own company.

To listen to your own heart, as The Alchemist said.
To hear the gentle voice that instructs you to sit still amidst social orders that try to improve your image, change this, believe in this…think what we tell you to think.


There is a supreme beauty and calm in obeying your heart's desire to accept yourself, love your own strength, and enjoy an occasional table for one.